‘I Should Be Over This By Now’ (One of the Most Harmful Sentences We Tell Ourselves)

‘I should be over this by now. ’

I’ve heard that sentence hundreds of times in my office.

I’ve also caught myself thinking it.

Maybe you’ve said it too.

After a breakup.

After losing someone.

After a traumatic event.

After months of anxiety.

After years of depression.

Somewhere along the way, we started believing emotional healing should work like recovering from the flu.

A little time.

A little rest.

Back to normal.

But our brains don’t heal on calendars.

They heal through experiences of safety.

Through connection.

Through repetition.

Through relationships.

Through learning that life can become different from what it once was.

One of the cruelest things we do to ourselves is compare our healing to someone else’s timeline.

Trauma isn’t a competition.

Grief isn’t a competition.

Recovery isn’t a competition.

Your nervous system has its own story.

Its own pace.

Its own reasons.

Sometimes the bravest thing you do all week isn’t ‘getting over it.’

It’s getting out of bed.

Going to work.

Showing up for your kids.

Answering one difficult phone call.

Choosing not to isolate.

Those things count.

More than you realize.

Healing isn’t measured by how quickly you stop hurting.

It’s measured by how gently you learn to care for yourself while you do.